WANDERLUST: ANTIBES

Around five years ago now (this lady's getting old!) I visited the Cote d'Azur for the very first time. It was a pretty tumultuous time in my life (well really, I worried A LOT about my dress size back then) and I didn't quite soak in as much of the beautiful landscape, narrow streets and French "savoir vivre" as I should have. Reason enough to go back sooner rather than later.

France is such a beautiful place on this Earth ball and seems so untouched by a lot of the Americanism that other countries have so naively embraced, without realising how much of it would consume their own culture. What is often confused with arrogance is most likely just an attempt to preserve the French way of life, their fashion, their landscape, traditional manufacturing processes and of course their language (and pastries....oh French pastries...)

Antibe's population is currently somewhere around 75000, there are 48 beaches surrounding the town and well..it's ridiculously beautiful and looks just like out of a fairy tale.
Put on bucket list. Now photos. From where I'd rather be.

(all images via pinterest/google)

Strawberry farm babbles

What is happening in the world? Ugh I suck at blogging, I know. My brain juices are drained and I live at airports now, trying not to get queasy in the terminal and actively avoiding anything royal baby-esque that tries to bury itself into my head.

SO....

We have strawberry farms back home in Austria. Yes, I know they're here as well but I can guarantee you ours are a million times better. Fuck the word "farm" too, we call it "Strawberry Land" and it raises about as much excitement in young and old and people in general as the word "Disneyland" because a trip there usually involves your mum and your best friend's mum and your best friend and yourself in your orange colored bike shorts and "Jungle book" - t-shirt and jelly sandals, eating unpaid strawberries and throwing half eaten strawberries at each other and frolicking and slipping on rotten strawberries on the ground, staining your orange bike shorts red and then vomiting that exact color later on when your body just had enough of that sweet sweet princess of a berry, which really doesn't hold you back from picking another one...and another one. Mum and best friend's mum rock up with about 10 Tupperware containers each and start picking berries like it was the most prestigious of all housewife contests. If you're picking, your butt has to be the highest part of your body, they say. And in this very moment, no sarcasm involved, I swear, I am so grateful for growing up on the country side, without supermarkets and traffic and bus stops and no internet until I was 15 because you ain't gonna learn that shit on the streets.

At the end of the afternoon mum and best friend's mum would have their Tupperware containers full of the juiciest and reddest berries and get them weighed at the little wooden hut they call the "checkout". Whoever picked the most wins a non-existent price in a non-existent contest.
You pay a ridiculously cheap price (something like $ 25 for 5 kgs) and load up the precious goods in your car, then drive home, eat some more strawberries, watch mum and Nana make jam and cakes and compote and then fall asleep in your little warm bed, oblivious to the fact that this was one of the most amazing and memorable afternoons in your childhood.

Strawberry farmer is a profession. An ACTUAL PROFESSION. It must be the most romanticized profession aside from Shepperd in the European Alps that has ever existed in this crazy lady's head and I want to know how to become one. NOW.

(images via google)

FIVE ANNOYANCES NOONE BOTHERED TO TELL ME ABOUT HAVING LONG HAIR

I know what you're thinking right now. I should really shorten my post titles, seeing as in a real magazine no one would ever think to print an article with a 10-word title.
Luckily this is not a magazine and I am a long-haired non-writer who enjoys the use of words and long titles and even longer introductions completely unrelated to the post.

So long hair, huh?

I've longed (AHH-HHAA, no she DIDN'T!) for years to get my hair to boob-coverage length, refused to have a hair cut for the last 732 days and have, on a good day, used the likes of repair-masks and heat protection spray to achieve this profound life goal. (I even tried coconut oil on my ends but hell does the smell annoy me after a while...)
I am now at Chloe Sevigny pre "Tomboy" collection length and enjoying the flicking up with both hands and the beach waves that actually look like beach waves and not like crinkle cut fries anymore. The pleasures of having long hair do outweigh the pains BUT I was and am still completely and utterly shocked about my very own lack of knowledge about and ignorance towards exactly those pains. In fact I am perplex enough to turn it into a post. Yes. yes. yes.

ANNOYANCE NUMBER 1 - YOU WILL EAT THEM

Windy day at the beach and you're craving an ice cream? Well, you're sucked in because you forgot a hair band and your hair is wilder than that one time someone in Kindergarten rubbed a balloon on your head for 5 minutes. Unless you want hair ice cream (flavor: Argan oil ugh) you will most likely have to look for a less creamy alternative, but beware that consuming foods of any kind in windy conditions really is a risk when being a long-haired creature. No shampoo add tells you this shit.

ANNOYANCE NUMBER 2 - IT WILL GET CAUGHT A LOT. IN A LOT OF THINGS.

Apart from the mouth (see above), it gets caught in your arm pits when you walk. I've confirmed with at least 15 other luscious locks - sporting females and YES it happens to everyone. If you're one lucky hairy motherfucker your strands will make their way to your arm pit, then straight back to your mouth or whip your face if your car window is down. Hygiene everyone. Good stuff. Speaking of cars: I get my hair caught regularly in the car door. Note to self: Sit down less briskly to create no maine-momentum.
A few other things I get my hair caught in: Fridge, handbag straps, phone cases, wedding ring, wrist watch, seat belt, front door, weights at the gym, sunglasses, hats, caps, head bands

ANNOYANCE NUMBER 3 - A DUBIOUS HAIR KNOT WILL FORM AT YOUR NECK

Yeah, what is this shit all about? I had to get my man-friend to brush this mysteriously re-appearing knot out of my head bush the other day, because it was so thick and so crazy I had nothing, NOTHING on it. It's that kind of crazy knot you usually only see on a dog's butt, when he's rolled in poop or pooped itself. I can't recall consciously rolling in poop ever, so how, HOW does this repeatedly happen in the exact same spot over a time frame of 9 hrs or so? I have my theories but further investigation is underway. Until then, let's just remain with: It sucks a bag of doodles.

ANNOYANCE NUMBER 4 - YOU WILL WHIP YOURSELF IN THE FACE AT THE GYM

This is exactly the reason why I will never wear a braid to the gym. It's already pure, raw danger to your face, especially the eyes, to have long hair and have it in a pony tail. Imagine the force a braid could accumulate and then unleash. If you've ever done box jumps or a variation of them you must be with me on that one. Serious face whipping, no matter how complex your hair style, is completely unavoidable, unless you're not doing your exercises properly. Oh, and you also pull your hair on the squat rack. Adds to the sensation of cruel pain, I suppose.

ANNOYANCE NUMBER 5 - YOU CAN'T SEE PROPERLY EVER

You bend over to find your keys in your handbag - all your hair falls in your face and acts as a see-proof curtain
You bend over your smart phone, computer etc - hair from the left and the right of your face frames whatever picture/article you're looking at
You want to take a photo with an actual camera (the one you have to hold to your eye hole to see) - hair gets in the way
You bend over your shoulder to talk to someone - can't see outside corner of the room cause of HAIR, which can possibly lead to awkward conversation ("This is XYZ" in the corner there!" - "Who the fuck are you talking about?")


So what's the moral of the story?
Yes, you might suffer excruciating pain from time to time due to knots and whips and getting those strands caught on everything. Yes, you will most definitely miss out on seeing lots of things with a veil of hair decreasing your field of vision dramatically. You will also have to justify that this is your real hair and not extensions at least twice a day. But think of all the good things: The passionate grabbing with both hands, the flipping back of wet hair at the beach, the funny things you can do with it (or choose not to do with it), how nicely they fall on your back and how easily you can tie them up to a knot when they annoy the shit out of you. And on a bad hair day (wtf man, just tie it up, no biggie! I hate that a term like this actually exists!) just remember that the real purpose of hair is to contribute to the regulation of temperature of your head so your brain doesn't explode on a very hot summer day.

Hooray!

Meghan Howland

All photos via www.meghanhowland.com

Of all the art forms I must be most envious on people who can paint. The coloring, layering, the knowledge of paint, its consistency and make, the choice of canvas. The feeling of having a blank white surface in front of you and then turn it into something that creates emotion in other people.

I have been thinking a lot about balance in my life. Balance and priorities. I'm striving to become this person with lots of possessions and money, when my value should be defined by what actually makes me happy. Possessions don't. Moving my limbs does. Travel does. Writing does. All of these things require no to little possessions to execute. Even travel can be cheap, so just do it already! You'll find that you'll be short on time much quicker than on money.

When I was younger I kept stumbling upon people who put things off, when they had all the opportunity to start things right away. "I'll travel when I have money", "I'll start exercising in Summer", "I'll grow my own veggies when I overcome my phobia of worms". Don't be that person, even if corporate life grinds you down. (Note to self)

Being a touristy peanut

Fuck I love Sea world.
I love sharks.
I love ginger beer and lollies.
I love seagull feet.

bits and bobs to devour in

Hey, you there!
Yeah, you!
How are you?

I've been on holidays for two and a bit days and have been able to read more and write more and think more than I have in the last 10 months. It's not like I have so much more time, but I feel extremely liberated and able to tackle things I am usually too drained to do. It's safe to say I need to take off that crazy heavy work-rucksack every now and then and just do stuff I enjoy. Rucksack. Hehehehe. I enjoy the sound of that word. 

As always some of the things I have consumed online was of pretty questionable content - when will people ever get sick of talking about clothes and beauty products and weight? It BORES me into a charmed snake kind of mesmerized sleepy state. Seriously it's JUST appearance! I enjoy dressing up like the next guy and am not going to stop posting occasionally about fashion (there is a post lined up as we speak) but there is only so much you can say about skirts and pores and cellulite. It should be something that accompanies our lives, not the only thing we let it evolve around. Let's talk aspirations, empowerment, art, personalities, dating, funny stuff, and how amazingly versatile the human brain is instead! Experiences, not things! If you think you'll make a difference in the world by being a female who can put together bottoms and tops then all the best on your quest to mediocrity. "Hey, I have a closet full of clothes! Let's play!" - is basically all a talking Barbie was programmed to say when I was a kid 15 years ago. It bored me 15 years ago. For me it's completely unacceptable that we haven't learned anything from that same Barbie you'll find in a shabby cardboard box for a buck at a garage sale. It baffles me why a large part of the female population aspires to be a disposable face on a photograph with a 10-word witty caption and a "where-to-consume" - link underneath, when there are SO many more interesting hurdles to tackle. We have brains, not just legs and it's about time we believed that ourselves.

So yeah, what's been kicking online?

Menstruation - now that I've got your attention: A male music critic finds himself feeling extremely violated by a punk rock woman pretending to menstruate on stage (it's pretend, man. you don't bleed out of your nipples). Because eww...vaginas. Hilariously written by what must be my new favorite female in the world besides my Mommy, Erin Gloria Ryan over at Jezebel.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel are my favorite pretend celebrity couple and I am not sure why I was oblivious to the existence of this video until this week.

GALA shared why dancing naked in front of strangers is one of the best things you can do for your self-confidence. This brought happy tears to my eyes. She most certainly is my spirit animal.

If you enjoy seeing celebrities cry, click the link to see why Dustin Hoffman was incredibly saddened by his own superficiality. I don't know if I like him now or think he's a big old butt for blaming "the system" for his arrogance. But anyway, if it raises just a little awareness I am happy.

Dollar dollar bills: This is a great article on how to properly ask for more money during a job interview. Seriously, people are so scared of asking for adequate compensation. They don't know what they're worth.

A lesbian woman was killed by "corrective" rapists in an attempt to change her sexual orientation and I am trying not to cry-vomit in disgust.

Checking out other people should be totally fine in any relationship, married or not married. Unpopular opinion, yes yes. Fact is: If you're insecure about your partner's or your own fidelity, because they think someone else is hot, you should probably hit the relationship toe quicker than I can say "lap dance" and also get in touch with reality.

I enjoyed reading this piece on college celebrity.

Ellen Page is an awesome feminist human and she likes porn (yay!)

HOW TO: Color blocking the exciting way. Dreamy fairy tale goodness. (more where that came from)

 And another completely amazing artist I need to link

Fog everyone. How one person put two years of his life into doing something that most likely doesn't get him famous or rich. Admirable. I miss my patience and gratitude.


Happy Wednesday, my dear readers.
Now excuse me while I play Rayman with my friends in four player mode and eat greasy snack food.

Why you should most definitely betray your heritage and hide your accent (and why sarcasm rocks my socks off!)

So here's the deal: I always had a thing for imitating accents. I can do a pretty solid German accent (much to the disgust of seemingly ALL my Austrian friends), my Spanish is accompanied by a lovely tongue-roll and a quasi-lisp, when I speak French my voice changes to a deep smokey whiskey tune and don't even try putting me in the same room with a Scouser.

Reason enough for most of Australian acquaintances to do the bewildered "You don't even have an accent?!?" - speech. It's extremely interesting to watch how once they realise you're not from their country, they listen really carefully and try to pick up on every word you say funnily ("Oh...ooohhhh I could hear a bit of an accent then when you said "preposterous" wink wink ha ha"). I am yet to figure out if they want to make me feel stupid or just suck at small talk. Wink. Wink. Ha. Ha.

I didn't always live an accent free life, but it quickly became apparent that the need to get rid of it is a much greater one than I had ever anticipated. People, especially stupid people, develop this amazing superiority complex around fellow humans with accents. They automatically assume that because I say my "Vs" and "Ws" differently I am mentally challenged, have no opinions on anything and can entertain myself for hours banging two spoons on a pot. It's that same kind of species that declares all your points as "invalid" in a discussion, because you pronounced something the wrong way. "You can tell me all about gender equality when you can say "very well" quickly three times in a row". Because that would truly support all my points.

Customer service is another reason you are better off camouflaging your accent. If you work in retail or hospitality you would know that customers in general can be extremely difficult and impatient, but wait until they find out you have an accent. All of us non-native speakers have been there but just to make a point the following happened to me the other day, when I accidentally let my accent slip while helping a (100 % NOT deaf) customer:

Me: These are the only...
Customer: Whaaaat was that?
Me: The only strappy ones...
Customer: WHAAAAT?
Me: These are the only ones with straps
Customer: NOOO that's not what I said. I WAAANTED STRAPPY!!! I SAID STRAPPY!!!
Me: Bangs head against the wall, then runs out of shop screaming while tearing off clothes

As for my current position, I've had issues with just a handful of self-doubt riddled people trying to get me caught up in challenging conversations, thinking they could out-talk me and make me look stupid. (It never worked. Trust me when I say if I can't think of a word, I am more than prepared to mime or awkwardly describe it using song titles and movie quotes. You wanna play ball? I can play ball alright.) I've had one human ask me if I could read a book in English (I can write one, motherfucker!!!!), and then wonder why I found this question extremely insulting (fun fact: I was actually reading a book when that person questioned my literacy. What do you think I was doing for the last half hour? STARING AT LETTERS AND SPONTANEOUSLY TURNING PAGES?)

And since we are moving with light speed towards the famous "bottom line" of this post, let's just sum up the obvious, point out the elephant in the room, pick up what was dropped: Society essentially consists of a bunch of racist, condescending and most of all insecure bastards who will jump at every opportunity to disrespect and talk down to another person to boost their own lower-than-life self-esteem. We are so scared of being different, because it makes us vulnerable to criticism, but we completely forget that people who have the tendency to criticise quickly usually have a whole parade of dancing skeletons in their closet.

It's not me who should be ashamed of having an accent, it's essentially you who should show a little less ignorance and arrogance. The amazing news is there are approximately 7300 main languages spoken in the world. SEVENTHOUSANDTHREEHUNDRED. Get off your high horse, English speaking world. The only reason so many people speak Anglais is because it is such a profound language. HAH! There you have it.

And for all you accent sporting, "R" rolling, "TH" detesting, "V&W" mixers and minglers: Don't hide who you are to earn respect from people who can't even spell the word (RESTECTP ANYONE?). Be proud of being bi- or multilingual and remember that you're probably more eloquent than the average native speaker in the country you choose to reside in. If people doubt your intelligence, confront them then and there ("You think I'm stupid or something? Point out Finland on a map for me and we'll see who of us is an idiot!"). Don't let anyone get away with hating on your accent and most of all do NEVER apologise for it! The next time you feel tempted to say "It's my accent!", voice what you really want to say. If you're anything like me, you should have a pretty large repertoire of witty and sharp could-be responses stowed away in your head cavity anyway.

The accent of one's birthplace remains in the mind and in the heart as in one's speech.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

That being said, don't fake a British accent to sound like Niki Minaj. Seriously. That's just wrong.

10 reasons JUNE was AWESOME!!!!

I am just biting my lips over the fact I wanted to start this post like I would start a work group memo. AHHHH corporate world consuming my corpse. No. This cannot be.

How is everyone? And did you know I like to pretend I am a writing stand up comedian these days?
Soooo, June huh? June was a good month again. Not right up there but somewhere in between. I am not sure why this year seems to deteriorate in quality, maybe it's just Winter greedily eating everyone's happiness. June was a crazy motherfucker in work related matters. I went through a lot of sleepless nights, some anxiety attacks, even more 20 hr days but I am still standing with a big fat smile on my face.

I know you would love to know a little bit more about moi because, HEY, when do I EVER talk about myself???

So here are a few stats about June:

• 8: The number of planes I was on this month
• 1: The number of albums I anticipated
• 4: Weeks to count down from the beginning of June until I could see my brother
• 0: Days without working (eye bags everyone)
• 3: The new number of family members living under my friends' roof (hint: they had a baybey)
• 2: The number of visible abs I currently sport since starting personal training (YAY!!!)

And you know what follows next, right?
RIGHT?

10 REASONS JUNE WAS AWESOME

1) I held a baby

total pro, I know

We went to dinner one week, four happy hungry humans, the next week they had multiplied! Life is crazy, people. What a little miracle. He doesn't do much yet but I cannot wait until he is old enough to receive lectures about feminism and gender equality. Did I hear someone say "Best godmother ever?".
And just in case you were wondering, Dan and I are NOT working on having a baby anytime soon. Please stop asking and then looking at me in disgust when I say "NEVERRRR".

2) I am actually pretty fit

6 personal training sessions done and I have abs. ABS! Not a six pack but yes there are most definitely abs showing. Overall my fitness is pretty amazing, I am as flexible as a rubber pretzel and I could easily squat for 45 minutes straight. The best advice I can give to people who have body image issues and/or think they are not athletic enough to change it through exercise is to get someone else to kick your butt! 23 years of body hatred later I can finally start to appreciate what my body is capable of doing and see it as a beautiful thing, not something that looks disgusting in denim cut-offs. And exercising for stress relief and insanity-prevention takes a load off the whole "need-to-do-more-lunges-need-to-be-skinny" approach to it. Fact is you can't change your body if you can't change the way you feel about it. Now step in front of a mirror and practice some self love!

3) I learned to feel indifferent about turbulence

The title says it all. I am not a nervous flyer anymore. And why should I be nervous, with views like this one? Can you spot the moon? He is one beautiful show-stopper.

4) Movie night

"Daydream nation" is one of the discoveries I made on Netflix (aka the best thing ever since the invention of microwave egg boilers) and I could easily re-watch it over and over again.
I am a big fan of Kat Dennings and to see her play in an Indie flick rather than mainstream shows and shallow (yet awesome) movies (Yes, I am referring to "The House Bunny") is a welcomed breath of fresh air. The plot is pretty simple: Kat Dennings' character moves into a small town, where she quickly rebels against succumbing to boredom and starts an affair with her high school teacher. She then falls in love with one of her class mates and the whole situation goes out of hand, twisted love affairs, exorbitant drug use and serial killers included.

 

I also got around to watching "Perks of being a wallflower" and oh my holy Jesus it has most definitely catapulted itself into my personal Top 5 favorite movies ever (this list obviously doesn't include all Ghibli movies ever made).

Seriously, get around to watching these two amazing pieces of cinematography. You won't regret it.

5) Like Clockwork...

There is always that one band that serves you as a much needed life raft during your turbulent teenage years. That one band that nests like a tick in your heart and never leaves your soul. Queens of the Stone Age are that band for me. A band that, blasting through my ear phones at age 16, made me strut past my scumbag ex-saywhaaat without batting a lash. That band that served as my personal soundtrack for that first live-changing step I took at Melbourne airport four (!!!) years ago. That very same band whose albums I carry around like a lucky charm wherever I go.
So yeah, every since the release of a new QotSA album was announced halfway through last year I have been extremely excited for this moment. "Like  clockwork..." ....has been playing on repeat for the last 6 weeks and I can't see myself getting sick of it anytime soon.

6) Spread the word

I practiced a "no holding back" - policy this month in spreading the feminist word over all kinds of social media, the blog and in face to face conversations. There were some big debates on this month, one of the major ones being feminists versus rape joke telling comedians (read more here), the Nigella Lawson story (wrote about it here) the #fbrape campaign and 'harmless' rape (which is obviously an oxymoron but a term that basically nails how society thinks about rape that happens during certain scenarios - speak drunk, flirtatious girls, marital rape etc. I have been working on a post on this topic for about 2 months now. Stay tuned)
Trust me when I say I will never stop adding my two cents to the topic and anyone trying to tell me differently is up for a heated debate that I will definitely win. I will. Challenge me, c'mon.

7) OK, Computer

It's still hard to grasp that I have a fully functioning computer back. As a matter of fact I cannot believe it took three months to get back a yet again broken computer, and another 2 hours spent in JB Hifi just to convince the people there that a new computer plus a free Studio Ghibli DVD is just enough compensation for my troubles. I bid farewell to the days spent on my tablet, typing away with cramping index fingers and lots of typos. I am back to typing faster than I can think and lining up words light-speed style. It feels so good. I am sure that my gratitude will fade sooner than I can say "handkerchief" because I am an ungrateful, instant gratification thrill seeking creature (aka "90ies child"). But until then...uhm.... yeah... words and stuff

8) Shameless selfie month

I know this doesn't really make it an awesome month. Really it makes it the opposite. But June just wasn't that exciting (not sorry).
I also found out I have a self time on my phone ("Hey, let's pretend someone else is taking a photo of me while I awkwardly try to look like this isn't a completely ridiculous situation")

This is a self time fail of myself

Hey this is me...

..and again with sailor moon hair

uhm...yeah..this time I braided my hair. hashtag game changer

yeah and that's when I put on a furry coat. You can tell I am a revolutionizing personality that really makes a difference

9) Arctic Monkey's new song

I don't think I have to remind you of the major crush I have (and have had for the past 8 years) on Alex Turner and his crazy talented mind. You better put on a good pair of panties before listening to this sexy motherfucker.

10) June went FAST

Bottom line is: June was a pretty dry month full of work and all the boring/annoying bits they usually skip in movies. I had a holiday to look forward to at the end of it which we know slows down time by a million bazillion hours and I was broke for the majority of it (which explains the mindless competition participation you would have witnessed if you follow me on instagram).

BUT it's over now, my brother is actually in the same room as I am in this very moment and I have had much too much wine in the last two and a half hours and feel extremely content (wine/feeling content-proportions are ideal at this point). June, you were good but I am glad you're over.

5 songs I was addicted to in June

1. Queens of the Stone Age - I sat by the Ocean
2. Queens of the Stone Age - Fairweather Fair
3. Arctic Monkeys - Do I wanna know?
4. Miike Snow - Pretender
5. Lorde - Royals (in every remix/cover version there is. GREATNESS)

The good news is...

Oh my lovely readers. A miracle has happened!
After a quarter of a year of awkward typos and even more awkward formatting I can now start to fix up 3 months worth of posts, as well as work on some more ultra top quality (!!!!) posts. I have a computer back. A fully functional, brand new, touch screen, photo shop supporting, metallic pink computer. My old one will be missed. Our love was deep, but it was too intense to last.

I have a journalism course to finish (ugh....that is, if it hasn't expired yet. Self-paced is a pretty treacherous concept) and a few other amazing things to do (that is ONE thing, hang out with my amazing long-lost brother I haven't seen for almost a year now!!!)

So uhm...so...
Where am I getting at again?

What did you say? Let Josh Homme speak? Agreed.