This is a mixture of a boa constrictor wrapped around your rib cage and two halves of a coconut covering nothing but a side boob and half a nipple. Two drinks down and twenty minutes into the party the constant pulling and adjusting results in the bra showing on my back and creating some very unpleasent backfat. People avoid me because my wardrobe malfunction is both taking up all my attention and slowly turning me into an angry drunk.
The solution: Take the damn thing off and show off your stiff nips to the numerous party guests.
YOLO, RIGHT?
Or, when fake boobs would come in handy....