November 09, 2012

November 9th: Victoria's Secret 2012

You might have seen little bits and pieces of the Victoria's Secret fashion show in recent days. Yes, supermodels in tiny, amazing, ridiculously expensive lingerie is always a reason to get out of bed and switch on the computer before having breakfast.

These girls just look ridiculously beautiful. I find it pretty fascinating to read about how they prepare for this show. They basically follow a similar diet and workout regimen that professional body builders do before a contest.

I am not particularly a fan of this cynical shitty 'article' but at least it gives you an idea of how this diet plan looks like. And for all of you who are yelling out: "OMG so unhealthy and bad" - guys....they only do it leading up to the show. I mean. Honestly. That Big Mac you ate last night is likely to be less healthy than those 10 days of protein shakes.

But what this post is actually about, are the performances by pop stars on the show. It's a Victoria's Secret tradition and I am always curious about who they are going to choose. This year, they got Rhianna, Bruno Mars and...wait....wait for it....yes...Justin Bieber on board. In the real world all these models would get done for attempted statutory rape or at least exposing themselves by walking so close to an 18 year old boy in lingerie. But I suppose in the world of Victoria's Secret, where 2.3 million dollar bras are a reality, anything is possible. Am I right?

Back to the musicians though. They all do live performances, which is great. And surprisingly most of them have justified their pop league existence. But what the fuck was up with the Biebs? I mean, have a listen to this shit and try concentrating on the disastrous singing instead of all the well-defined thigh muscles.

 Honestly, what the fuck?
Throwing in a fucking "Huh" instead of singing your line, because you just can't bring it is NOT cool.  The only legitimate excuse I could find acceptable would be that Bieber had to suppress an erection so hard, he lost control over his vocal cords.

Whatever might have possessed the Bieber to stink so bad, I can only guess. But it inspired me to make a top 5 list of VS performances that sucked LESS than his.


No. 5

Jay-Z and Kanye West - Ni**** in Paris

 Yeah, even for a white girl like me this is fantasticoooo.
No models required. PS: Kanye, why'd you steal my grandma's jacket?

No. 4

Usher  - crazy medley

Yeah, I feel the strong need to justify this. It's hot. Full stop.

No. 3

Maroon 5 - Moves like Jagger
Because Adam Levine actually hit all the right notes for once. Good work, you sexy biest.

No. 2

Justin Timberlake - Sexy back

Self explanatory. This almost made top of the list. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Ok, I'm gonna throw in this one too. Too good to withhold from you guys. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No. 1

Katy Perry - Teenage Dream, Hot N Cold, California Gurls

Yeah, nothing beats a rotating glitter dog. And she's just so fucking awesome.
I mean, she hits every EVERY SINGLE note and still looks like the mother of all beauty queens. I just want to buy her dinner and then drink copious amounts of alcohol and streak through the city, 'Old Skool' style.
One can dream.

What's your top 5?
And if it contains the horrible performance by the Black Eyed Peas, please leave this site now.