March 04, 2012

Day 4: Will you bring me my chapstick?

I tried to hold myself back from quoting  Naopleon Dynamite on here ever again but it's just too darn hard!!!

So today, huh? After being asked to move 36 cartons away from where a customer wanted to 'look at shoes' (of course the clearance area, you cheap shit!) and then getting yelled at for saying 'they'll be gone in about an hour, I'm sorry, it's too busy at the moment for me to move them all'  I thought it couldn't get any more amusing at work.

Then I got this phone call this morning which went like this:

Me: Hello + usual blah blah this is Astrid speaking.
Stranger: Hi there. I bought a pair of shoes the other week and my dog chewed them so now they're broken. Can I get an exchange or something?
Me: Uhm, I beg your pardon?
Stranger: Yes, I know this sounds random but I only bought them last week and I was wondering if you could put a pair aside for me as an exchange. I could pick them up next week!
Me: Uhm, I beg your pardon?
Stranger: Yes, or do you have any damaged goods you could give me for free, or did anyone, like, steal only one shoe and you have the other one in store or something. I could go through your faulties or something?? Do you have any spare pairs I could get you can't sell anymore or something?
Me: Uhm, I beg your pardon?
Stranger: What's your warranty like in terms of dog chewing?
Me: Uhm, I beg your FUCKING PARDON???? (I didn't swear, obviously, but the 'fucking' expresses my thoughts in that very moment quite perfectly)
Stranger: Well, can I get a refund or something?
Me: Uhm, NO!
Stranger: Nevermind.
Me: O-kay????
Stranger: Ok, bye!!!

TRUE STORY and 100 % not made up!!! 
Imagine me standing there with the phone still held up to my ear half an hour after the phone call was over, shaking my head in disbelief thinking: 'Did this really just happen?'
Every time I get to work and think I have experienced the full extend of human stupidity, I get proofen horribly wrong.
So my new way of approaching people is to expect absolutely NOTHING, no spark of intelligence or common sense and I will not be surprised by stuff like that. I'll be just like: 'Oh well, the lady thinks there is something like a dog chew warranty, no biggy. There could be worse. Like she could have spewed on them or inserted them rectally and expected a refund.'
It can always come worse, people!!! My new optimistic approach to a life!

My birthday is coming up and I have no idea what to wish for. Am pretty sure there is a Kindle on the way for me (is there DAN????) :) but other than that, I don't know where to go for dinner or what to do for the day.

I'm the kind of person that can't think when I have to. Lemme explain!

Like, say you ask me what kind of music I listen to, and I will say 'Arctic Monkeys and stuff' because in that very moment that's the only thing I can think of. Ask me again 20 minutes later and I will get a piece of paper and a pen and start writing down a 20 page long list. But in that very moment, I will definitely not be able to think of more than 5 artists.
I went through a phase where this annoyed me so much (usually when some hot arse guy asked me above mentioned question and I couldn't showcase myself as awesome as I wanted to) I thought I had some sort of personality disorder. Some sort of 'I don't know myself'-desease. Now I realise I'm just not capable of recalling everything I like in a short time, because there is just too freaking much!

So in order to train my sieve-like brain I have put together a short list of stuff I like at the moment (and there are categories, oh yeah!!!):


Danger 5: The best thing since...well clearly since forever! Pretty sure this will never make it to Europe because Danger 5 says 'FUCK YOU APPROPRIATENESS' and makes fun of things a little Austrian like me would never dare to 'treat' in that manner. But Nazi-Dinosaurs?? Heck yes!!!
I don't really agree with the way the two girls are portrayed in it at some times, almost constantly having their lady lumps hanging out and using very strange fighting tequniches (like sucking Goebbel's d**k as a distraction 'maneuvre', waaay to sexist and chliché), but I find it  pretty amusing overall. The low low budget 'everyone can speak and understand any language' and 'so stupid it's funny' approach is totally my thing.


The Descendants: Paradise gone wrong. George Clooney finally in a non-womanizer, authentic, honest role. Me likey drama and I cried a lot and laughed a lot. And the scenery is shot so beautifully, it makes me want to book a one-way flight to Hawaii. Right. now.

The Muppets: the title says it all, it's fabulous, it's cheesy, it's witty, it's the flipping MUPPETS!!! Throw good old sexy Jason Segel on top and you have a piece of entertainment fantastico! And singing black forest cakes. What's not to like?

My week with Marilyn: Was a really good watch and as I mentioned in an earlier post, Michelle Williams is clearly a master of her trade. I loved the fashion, too!


The Jezabels: There's not a lot to say about this Sydney-based band other than: BUY THEIR ALBUM. It's great. And it's one of the few bands with a female lead I really and truly enjoy! Ama-zynga!!!!

The Black Keys. Nuff has been said about The Black Keys. El Camino is purified greatness and I didn't expect any less from the boys.

Owl Eyes: Super cute and super stylish. Always good on a Sunday arvo. No but seriously, she's a pretty great singer/songwriter/stylechick. I wish I was that forest spirit in her 'Raiders'-video. The leaves look comfy. Check out her 'Pumped up kicks' cover!


I bought this ring today for a whopping 3 dollars via ebay:

Me likey these metal capped ballet flats from
so ugly they're good!
Everything Chloe Sevigny has ever made for Opening Ceremony plus her Tomboy collection. She is the ultimate style granade! She's made me realise it's ok to wear pretty clothes and make-up while talking like a lumberjack. Nice!!!

What's on your list?